Why Speaking Up Feels So Hard!

I've been thinking a lot lately about why so many talented, thoughtful people struggle to speak up at work.

We often assume it's because they lack confidence, leadership skills, or the right words. But after years of working with people through voice, singing and self-expression, I don't believe that's where the problem begins.

It begins much earlier. It begins with whether we feel safe.

• Safe to disagree.

• Safe to ask for what we need.

• Safe to make a mistake.

• Safe to be seen.

So many us are carrying unconscious stories in our minds.

"I'm going to be judged."

"They're not going to understand me."

"I'm going to say this wrong."

"Maybe I should just stay quiet."

When we arrive with that energy, it shapes everything that follows: Our body tightens, our breathing becomes shallow, we stop listening, we begin reacting instead of responding.

The conversation becomes less about finding a way forward and more about protecting ourselves.

I've seen this happen again and again. Someone feels overlooked or undervalued at work. They want things to change, but they don't know how to influence the situation. They begin hiding a little more. They stop contributing ideas. They convince themselves that perhaps they're simply not leadership material.

Yet beneath that hesitation is someone with tremendous wisdom to offer. They simply haven't decided that it's safe to let it emerge.

I often imagine that part of us as a tiny seedling. It wants to grow. It wants to blossom. It already knows how. It's simply waiting for the conditions that allow it to gently poke its head above the ground. That's the space I love creating.

A place where people can arrive exactly as they are. Where there is no criticism. No performance. No expectation to be perfect. Only the invitation to become a little more themselves.

When that happens, something remarkable begins to shift. People breathe differently. They think more clearly. Their voice naturally settles. They stop trying to sound confident and begin trusting themselves instead.

From that place, everything changes.

One of the things I shared recently in a conversation with leadership consultant Rhonda Travers is that we often don't realise what's sitting underneath our reactions. A difficult conversation with a manager may not simply be about that conversation. It might awaken old experiences of feeling unheard, dismissed or not enough.

When we're caught in those emotions, we carry them into every meeting… our energy precedes us. If we're already convinced the conversation is going to go badly, that's often all we're able to hear.

But when we first find peace within ourselves, we create space for something different.

• We begin listening instead of defending.

• We become curious instead of reactive.

Sometimes I jokingly call it learning to "charm and disarm." Not manipulation. Simply meeting another human being with enough openness that they begin to relax too.

Because underneath all the titles, responsibilities and workplace roles, we're remarkably alike. We all want to feel respected. We all want to belong. We all want to know that what we think matters.

This is why I believe influence doesn't begin with communication techniques. It begins with self-awareness. It begins with learning how to return to yourself before entering the conversation. Only then can you truly hear another person. Only then can your own voice emerge with clarity instead of fear.

This is also why I'm so excited about a new workshop Rhonda and I are creating together. Our work meets beautifully in the middle. I help people cultivate the inner harmony that allows their authentic voice to emerge. Rhonda equips them with practical leadership and communication strategies that help them build trust, strengthen relationships and create greater impact at work.

It's the combination that feels so exciting to me because knowing what to say is important. But first, we need to believe that our voice matters.

When we know that we matter, we stop trying to become someone else. We simply become more fully who we already are. And from there, taking the lead in your life becomes far more natural than you ever imagined.

I’ll share more as my collaboration with Rhonda Travers as it unfolds.

An Invitation

Before you continue with your day, I'd love to invite you to pause for just one minute.

Think of a conversation you've been avoiding. It might be with your manager, a colleague, a client, or even someone you love. Now simply notice...

• What happens in your body as you think about that conversation?

• Does your breathing become shallower?

• Does your jaw tighten?

• Does your voice feel as though it wants to disappear?

• Or do you feel yourself wanting to defend or explain?

Don't try to change anything. Just notice.

Awareness is the first step toward change. Because once you become aware of what's happening within you, you can begin responding with intention rather than reacting from old patterns.

Now place one hand gently on your heart and take three slow breaths.

As you breathe out, silently say:

"I am who I am and that is enough."

Notice what changes.

You may not have found all the words yet—and that's okay.

Sometimes finding your voice begins by creating enough inner space to hear it.